Been sick...

Wow! 9 days - I did not realize it'd been so long since I'd last posted.

The weekend, again, did not go well. Well, it went fine, until Saturday, when I let it all go, which is what I seem to always do. I was back on track Tuesday, then I got sick. I spent half of Tuesday, All day Wednesday and most of today either in bed, or with my head over the toilet. I weighed myself this morning and I'd lost 6 lbs since Tuesday - being sick does wonders for the weight loss! I'm determined not to gain that weight back, which may not be a problem, since the thought of food still makes me sick, and each time I eat I get terrible pains in my stomach.

It's kind of sick, but I'm actually enjoying not having an appetite!

I do have a couple of events this weekend, which because I've been sick, I do not foresee as problems.

Tomorrow, is my Boss's going away party, she's moving to another branch. We're going out for drinks after work - I'll stick to diet pop, and no food. I'm sure restaurant food would play hell with my stomach.

Saturday is my very good friend Jaimie's 23rd Birthday. We're set to be going to a bar. I'll likely offer to Drive. I really don't think alcohol would be a good idea.

That's my weekend plan - lets hope it works!

I hope everyone else is doing well. I'm heading off to bed early, to get ready for a long Friday.

I'm proud of me!

This rarely happens, but I'm proud of myself! I packed my lunch - and remembered to take it to work, then, when asked by a group of co-workers to join them for lunch, I declined! I chose to eat the healthy lunch that I'd brought, instead of eating god-knows-what at a restaurant. I'm weak at restaurants. I need to have a plan, with several options before even walking in. I had no plan, so I avoided disaster. I'm glad that I did.

My mom, Don & I went to Indiana Jones tonight. I quite enjoyed it. Who knew movies at the first run theaters were only $5 on Tuesdays!? I'll have to go more often! Snacks at the movie have never been a big issue for me. I used to work at a theater in high school, since then, I can barely stomach the greasy popcorn there. I do usually sneak in a small snack in my purse, which I did to tonight - a box of chewy gobstoppers (my guilty pleasure).

I've found the last two days extremely easy to get through. I've had something to do at night, which I think has helped me. Having an activity to keep me busy. It's also kept me happier. The last few weeks since school's been over, I feel like I come home, eat, eat more, and eat more, then watch tv... while eating, then go to bed. Every day, day after day. The weather hasn't been super here either, so it makes it difficult to motivate myself to go outside and be active.

I'm also proud of myself for another reason. I had 5 points remaining when I got home from the movie, and my plan was to have a serving of tostitos with some salsa. Well.. I got home, only to realize someone has eaten them! GAH. I ended up having a pudding cup and a fibre 1 bar, which really didn't give me what I was looking for. I thought of using some flex points, but then decided I really didn't need it. So that's proud x 2 today! Two days in and not a flex point used! I'm on a roll!

I got my weight watchers magazine tonight, so I'll spend the remainder of the evening reading that. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful weight loss day!

New Beginnings

Appropriately titled, today was, yet again, a new beginning. My hope is that one day, I will no longer be labeling my blog entries as beginnings, rather as stepping stones along my weight loss journey. I suppose that everyday is another step towards that final goal, however, my steps seem to be going one forward, two back, and the saga continues.

I weighed myself this morning, fully expecting to have gained several pounds this past week, and was surprised to see I'd only gained .4 - I actually wish I'd gained more, because I sure did deserve to. I am, however, grateful that I did not, but I'm going to count my blessings and move on with life. I've "started over" again today, and if it kills me, I'm going to rough out the week. Everyday that I waste is another day closer to my wedding, my ultimate goal.

I did quite well today, I rarely even thought of food, which is great! When I got home this evening, I still had 5 points left for a small bowl of tostitos - my recent guilty pleasure.

This evening was quite enjoyable. My friend, Jaimie, is a Mary Kay consultant, well, she's just starting out. Anyway, she invited me to a foot spa night that the consultants were hosting. It's amazing what some products can do to your feet - they feel all wonderful and beautiful right now. I need to keep them this way! I have my own bubbling foot spa thing, that I need to use more. I've really been wanting a pedicure lately too, so I think when I finally break through the 200 lb mark, I'm going to reward myself! I'm going to stick to my goal of breaking that by September 1st!

On another note, I am really missing the meetings right now, and cannot wait to go back, which may end up being sooner rather than later, as I've gotten a new job! It's still at the same place, but it pays quite a bit more, so it's all good! As soon as that kicks in, I'm getting back to meetings! I need them!

Disaster averted

The last few days have been a struggle. As most days, I started today with a fresh slate, and although it too proved to be a struggle - I got through it.

It's weird, because I want to lose this weight so bad, so I can be smaller for my wedding, yet I don't want to put forth the effort it requires. It's painful.

I did go to Sobeys with a friend at lunch, because she needed to get something. Usually when I do this, I end up buying something I shouldn't eat, even though I've brought a perfectly good lunch, and not eating what I've brought. Today, all I bought was some unsweetened apple sauce and a chocolate milk (Which gave me my milk servings!) so I was proud of myself for that.

After dinner, all I wanted was to eat again. So we went out for frozen yogurt. Disaster was averted.

I did end up using a few flex points, but it sure could have been a whole lot worse!

Someone posted a website on the message boards where you can put in your height and weight and it will generate a model that looks something like you - you can tweek it to make it more so. You can put a side-by-side of this model and the same model at your goal weight. It's quite neat. Puts it into perspective. I've printed this off, I'm going to post it somewhere where I look often.

Good Intentions

So yesterday I had every intention of being good. I started the day with some instant mashed potatoes, as I'd learned the previous day that they were easy to eat (12 points, including the margarine & 1 c. Milk).

Mid-afternoon Don and I decided to go for a frozen yogurt, which was good (only 2 points) and a small walk. At this point I still had zero energy, and was quite whiny, the poor guy! I'm really becoming quite frustrated of not being able to eat anything substantial, in addition to feeling like utter crap. We came home and I laid around and whined a whole lot more, finally decided to have a nap for an hour, at Don's recommendation (once again, poor guy).

I woke up to make dinner, we were having Chicken Tacos - mine in soft taco shells. It was at this point that I decided I needed more energy to heal than the potatoes and yogurt had given me - or perhaps it was my way of saying "#&*$ it... I'm eating what I want." I had a couple of very soft chocolate cookies (3 points), and a glass of chocolate milk (3 points), along with some cheese (2 points). This did make me feel better, whether it was just psychological or I really did need it, I'm not sure. I then proceeded to eat my two soft tacos, which, by the way took forever and I'm also wishing I never ate, because it hurt! That ended up being another 10 points.

Later in the evening we went for slurpees, which really do make my mouth feel better. I only had a small one though. In the end I did end up writing everything down, which I'm proud of myself for - used 12 flex points. I'm also proud of myself for pushing and going for a small walk mid-afternoon, which was my intention. So now that I look back at it, it wasn't an overly wasted day.

Today, I'm really wanting Sushi, but I don't think my mouth could stand it yet. I'd also likely get very frustrated if I did try eating it. I'm disappointed to say it'll probably be another day of mashed potatoes and zoodles.

I'm also to return to work tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to. I should push myself today to get out of bed and do something, so I don't feel like I've completely wasted my 4-day weekend.

I do have a few things to look forward to in the upcoming weeks. This weekend is Mosaic in the city. It is a festival of cultures, where you buy a passport and can visit as many different cultures as you please. At each stop there is food, drinks and entertainment from the different cultures - it's always a good time.

The following weekend is my annual "Girls Camping Trip" which I'm quite looking forward to - I'm even going to refrain from burning off all the skin from my face this year!

Wishing everyone a successful day!

One day at a time...

Hello World.

As you may or may not have noticed, it's been awhile since my last post. Although I was not posting, I was doing well until 3-4 weeks ago, then it all went out the window.

For many years I have struggled with depression, which I will momentarily blame for the current demise of my weight-loss efforts.

This past semester in school was a struggle. It was a struggle to get out of bed each morning, and an even greater struggle not to jump back into bed when I got home each evening. About halfway through the semester I sought medical attention, allowing me to drop one of my classes, which did help, to a degree. At that time, I also decided that I needed to spend more of my efforts, what little they were at that point, on what I wanted, not what the people around me wanted. This is when I decided I would discontinue my studies, for the time being. I did finish what was left of the semester, with no intent of returning in the fall. I couldn't bring myself to put forth the effort required to succeed, and my grades reflected that. I didn't want to be there, not in the least. I am only a few short classes away from graduating, so I will return, even if only for night classes.

By the time the end of April rolled around, I was becoming optimistic, I was only a couple of final exams away from freedom. I had a full time job all lined up to start on the 28th, things were looking good. I also had a week of holidays lined up for the end of May!

April 24th, the day of my last final, I got a call from my Fiance Don mid-afternoon. He'd crashed his semi-trailer unit. Although he managed to walk away with only a few scrapes and bruises, it would prove to be a long period of waiting before he was able to go back to work. In the few days following the accident, we learned that he would have to go through many medical exams before being cleared back to work, and because he wasn't working, he wasn't being paid. Well there went more than two-thirds of our income! To date - he still hasn't returned back to work. He attended his last medical exam this past Thursday, so we do expect him to be back to work hopefully by June 10th, but there are still no written in stone answers.

At the beginning of April I started my summer job - working at an Ice Cream & Candy store. I have been doing well. I have given up eating ice cream entirely, I will live on frozen yogurt, which we don't sell, so I'm good. So here I am working more hours than I'm used to at the bank, as well as many hours at the Ice Cream store - and Don is sitting at home playing Playstation. This is when my weigh loss efforts deteriorated. I discovered Wal-Mart brand Kettle Cooked Chips, and that was it! I'd sit and eat bags and bags of them. And that is the story of why I've gained 10 pounds in one month.

Each week I've started out well, doing good until about Saturday evening, and then blow it. Considering my weigh-ins were Mondays... It wasn't good.

I've given up going to meetings for now, and I do intend on returning once Don is back to work. With the help of e-tools, I believe I can do this. I've weighed myself this morning, and come in at 220.8 pounds, which I've marked down. I've chosen Sundays as my weigh-in day for the time being. I'm hoping that will help me to stay more honest on Saturday nights.

My goal for this month is to get at least 30 minutes of exercise each day.

My challenge this week is staying on track. I had 3 wisdom teeth pulled on May 30th, and am still feeling the effects, therefore eating only soft foods - Mashed Potatoes are my best friend!

I also intend on posting more regularly. So world, get used to hearing from me - the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Things are looking up

I wrote my Quantitative Analysis Midterm today. Finally. It seems like I've been studying FOREVER! I'm glad to have it over with, although, nervous to get my mark back. Fingers Crossed!

I thought that my second Accounting midterm was next Wednesday, although, it's not until the Wednesday after Easter, so I'm glad for that. Don and I are going to Saskatoon this Saturday, to see some friends. I'm glad to know I can actually afford the night away from studying.

The people we are going to see are getting married this summer, and Don is in the wedding party, so he'll be going to try on a suit this weekend while we're there. Alyeska, the bride, is also in school, so her and I are looking forward to drinking our midterm blues away! Haha! I've got a 40 of Long Island I bought at Duty Free with my name on it! Cheap booze is all the better.

I'm trying to save my Flex points for the weekend, as I'll be doing some drinking, and likely eating out a couple times. I did use 6 last night, but I'm going to try my very best to save the remaining 29 for the weekend!

My mom's cousin, and her daughter are in from St. Albert this week. Last night we went to my Grandma's (where they are staying) for dinner. I thought I was very good - avoided the gravy, buns & dessert. I only had a small helping of mashed potatoes, and the smallest, leanest piece of beef roast that I could find, as well as some vegetables. I was quite proud of myself. Although, I did go home and eat 4 perogies, a DQ Sandwich and a bun. At least I knew how many points those things were!

Tonight, Don and I have our meeting with Father, at the Church, regarding our Wedding. I'm not exactly sure what is going to happen at this meeting, as we're not getting married for another year and a half. I am hoping though that we get an answer on whether or not we'll be able to use the church hall for the reception.

Everyone else (Mom, her Cousin & Daughter, My brother & Grandparents) are going to Brewsters for dinner. Don and I are going to eat before our meeting and then join them after, for a drink & to visit. That is my way of avoiding the menu that I am unable to find the NI for, as much as I love their food. On a week like this, when I know that I'll have other challenges coming, I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

I need to get to the gym, too! Ugh. Why is it so easy to avoid? I don't know. It's getting really nice outside - above zero all week so far. I'm going to focus on getting outside now, instead of getting to the gym. I really do enjoy walking, whereas the gym, I enjoy being there, just find it awfully difficult to GET there.